Meaningful Love
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Young "Love"
A vivid memory came to mind recently. It was the first time I had a boyfriend in February. He showed up at my house on Valentine's Day with a classic 16 year-old gesture. He stood in the doorway expectantly, holding the string of a "P.S. I love you" mylar balloon that hovered overhead.
Pretty sure it was even heart-shaped.
It was an uncomfortable moment. Not simply because I had nothing to offer this barely-more-than-buddy standing in front of me with a sweet boyish grin. It was more than that.
The balloon didn’t fit. The words "I love you" didn't match the relationship, actions, other words that we used with each other. The message wasn't just awkward. It seemed a little...meaningless.
Many Valentine's Days have passed since then. I can finally articulate why my first "I love you" experience felt so off. The meaning comes not from those three words, but from the actions and numerous other words that back it up, that prove what the words truly mean.
It was that mismatch between the words and our actual relationship that rendered the moment a miss.
Speak Your Love...using more than 3 words
As we approach V-Day 2020, let's do so with renewed vision. Go ahead and buy the boxed cards for your kids' classes and send them into the school parties with excessively-frosted cupcakes and Conversation Hearts. After all, love IS sweet!
As parents, let's approach our personal Valentine messages to them with more meaning and intention.
Grab a piece of construction paper, scrap paper, or use the back of one of the numerous handouts they've brought home already this week. Create a heartfelt Valentine. Back the words "I love you" up with specifics about your child.
If you want an added challenge:
Try to not use the words "I love you" and
instead describe your sentiment in completely other ways.
Choose your words carefully. Make them meaningful representations of your deep feelings for your children, what you see in them (especially those things that others don't see or don't say), what you appreciate and observe that they do daily.
Point out their integrity. Name their conscientiousness. Notice their hard work and responsibility. Tell them that you see their perseverance, how welcoming they are to others, their leadership on group projects.
Share the things you admire, the way that they face challenges, how they are with you, with others, when people aren’t looking. Talk about their character.
Let them know that they are known and that they are seen. Don't assume that they know that you know. They might not see you noticing.
Mean It
Be authentic and truthful. Don't say it if you don't mean it. And very definitely say it if you mean it.
Make your "I love you" more meaningful than the words themselves.
And back your words up by demonstrating your love for them through your actions, reactions, interactions, and all the other words you share with them on a daily basis.*
Parent lovingly this week...and buy your kid a balloon if the message fits. No judgment here.
Best wishes for a creative Valentine season!
*Please reach out anytime some tips or coaching in this area would be helpful.